Martyr
by sarkywoman
Summary: Robin reflects on what Raven died for.


Martyr  
  
NOTES: Robin's POV.  
  
SUMMARY: Short angsty Robin/Raven one-shot.  
  
WARNINGS: Angst, a little swearing.  
  
DISCLAIMER: These characters do not belong to me.  
  
PAIRING: Robin/Raven, implications of Cyborg/Raven  
  
They say you should always fight for what you believe in. The elusive 'they'. The same they that expect the Titans to save their lives and do all the crap that they would never have the courage to do, superpowers or no superpowers. Where were 'they' when she fell, dark blue cape billowing around her like the evening sky, swallowing up our Raven as she left us.  
  
We never saw the gun. We thought we had covered every angle, scoured every alley, rounded up every mad follower of Simba. The name had been funny at the time and Beast Boy kept doing his Disney impressions. Now, I don't think I can watch that film ever again without seeing the religious fanatic perched on the statue in the square, ordering his people to 'destroy the sin and give the people enlightenment'. And if you can't guess what that means, I'll spell it out for you: GENOCIDE  
  
Luckily for us, or some of us at least, there weren't enough crazy devotees to carry out his plans to the extent he requested. Simba seemed to think that he would convert and recruit civilians as his followers ran around murdering. He really thought he was in the right and people would flock to him in order to gain the sense their lives had been lacking. Lives had lacked sense for years and nobody seemed to care, waving weapons in innocent and naïve faces wouldn't change that at all. The people who'd survived wouldn't remember. People the Titans rescued from almost certain doom had a knack for ignoring all that. They go home and sit watching the television, after swearing from the grip of a monster earlier that day that they would spend their time raising their kids right and working hard.  
  
The inexperienced hero might start to feel a little disillusioned. Personally, I feel a little like Batman. But I don't think we're in the same league. This was so different than the pain he must have experienced to be the way he is. He never lost someone he loved like this, not someone who loved him back, someone who was willing to die for him. He always made sure he had nobody around who would get hurt for his sake.  
  
I can hear Beast Boy crying in his room next to mine. This is so new to him. He probably never really thought about the danger we were always putting ourselves in.  
  
Me? I was always prepared for us to return to the Tower one Titan short. I just wasn't ready for it to happen like this. I spent a long time training myself to make sure it didn't happen like this. I thought they had all got the idea, back when I was working for Slade, I would do anything to stop them from getting hurt. Their well-being means so much more to me than my own, and sometimes that was the only thing that stopped me going crazy.  
  
I have to go past Starfire's open bedroom door on my way out. She's not crying and I'm surprised. She looks up at me with big green eyes and I can see the tears have dried on her cheeks.  
  
"Robin? Where are you going?"  
  
"I'm gonna do another sweep of the town."  
  
"It is too late, you should...."  
  
"No. I can't sleep Star, and I'm perfectly able to catch a few lousy crooks. In fact, it might help."  
  
I expect her to protest further. She bites her lip and looks out of the window at the moon's reflection on the sea. It's dark out, the same deep dark blue that Raven liked to wear. God, I miss her so much already.  
  
"Please be careful."  
  
"Star..."  
  
"She would have wanted it!"  
  
That reply stops my voice in my throat, and I can feel it as a lump there, stopping me from saying what I meant to say and making my eyes feel like watering. But of course, I trained myself not to cry a long time ago. I can't say anything else to her, and she seems to have said all she wanted to say, so I make my way into the lounge area. Cyborg is sitting on the sofa, holding one of Raven's old books like a diamond.  
  
"You goin' out?"  
  
"Yeah. Need to kick some bad guy ass."  
  
Cyborg placed the book down carefully on the table and stood up to his impressive full height. This way he could look down on me while he said something condescending and utterly fucking wrong.  
  
"You are such a fucking dick."  
  
You see? I knew he'd have some problem with me after what happened.  
  
"She made her own decision."  
  
"And you can't even fucking honour that for one night?"  
  
"What the hell are you talking about?"  
  
"She died for you! Yet here you are, about to go off and risk your life again! Don't you get it? She wanted you to be safe!"  
  
He's so ridiculously wrong that my eyebrow seems to raise of it's own accord. He thinks he's got everything sussed, but he's not me. He never had the conversations with her that I did, and he hated me for that.  
  
"You always were in love with her."  
  
My friend's face hardens and he growls as he lifts me off of the floor by my collar. It would be so easy to struggle out of this, but there's a better way.  
  
"I thought she wanted me safe, but you can't even honour that for one night?"  
  
There isn't even a hesitation like I had expected, and I nearly fell on my ass. He won't look at me, just goes back to sitting down and picks up the book.  
  
"If you're going, just fucking go."  
  
I do as I'm told. The streets are eerily quiet tonight, so I can only assume news got around. As crazy as it sounds, the lesser criminals didn't actually mind us so much. We were preferable to the police in this town, who couldn't quite prevent their prisoners from falling down stairs and bumping into doors. We took our morals very seriously. I hope that the criminals have given us a night off out of an odd sense of kindness, but in my heart I know they're scared of what will happen now. Now the Titans have lost a playing piece, they're gonna play to win. No more chances.  
  
I sit on top of the Tower when I return, having failed to catch even petty thieves. There was nobody out there. Starfire and Cyborg had said similar things, but only Star was right. Raven would have wanted me to be careful. I know for a fact she wouldn't expect me to be safe.  
  
I should have seen the fucking gun! But I didn't even see the man. It all happened so quickly. Darkness, a noise in the shadows, a gun being cocked, the sensation of being shoved away as a single shot rang out, blood on my hands, a dying friend in my arms, and all in a matter of seconds. She could have used her powers, but if she isn't focused, it's dangerous. She isn't like Starfire, who starts with her powers and uses physical force as a last resort. Raven didn't really think powers first, and although her reflexes were good, she wasn't faster than a bullet.  
  
Some of her blood shimmered as it spread across the cold alleyway floor. I threw a gas bomb at the man as he turned to run and dropped to my knees in a desperate attempt to draw her close and keep her warm. She was shaking in my embrace.  
  
"Robin...I..."  
  
"Ssh, I know. I really do."  
  
She believed me and sank into my arms, too weak to say any more. I kissed the meditation stone on her forehead and she sighed away her last breath.  
  
I'm not sure if I loved her, but I am sure it doesn't matter. She didn't die for me out of a selfish need for me to love her. She died for me so that I would keep being me, so I would continue to prowl these streets at night and take care of the innocent people that piss me off so much. I don't know if I can do that without her though. They say she died fighting the good fight, for a cause she believed in. Only I know the truth, that she died for a person she loved and believed in.  
  
I know which one I consider more worthwhile. 


End file.
